Two common concerns among many divorcing parents are when and how to tell their children they’re divorcing. They don’t want to do it too soon, but if they wait too long, there is the risk the children will hear it elsewhere.
Here are some tips that may help.
1. Finalize key details
You should avoid sharing the news before you have finalized the divorce logistics. Vague uncertainties can cause confusion, and kids will handle the situation better if you provide concrete information. Where will each parent live? Will the children need to travel between two homes, or will you try birdnesting, where the children stay in the home, and the parents take turns staying with them? By having certain decisions finalized, you will be ready to answer most of their questions.
2. Choosing the right time
Find a distraction-free time when the family can sit down together. A quiet evening or weekend may work best as your children need time to process the information. Avoid holidays, birthdays, final exams and other busy times.
3. Deliver the news together
If possible, both parents should be present. This lets your children know that even though your marriage is ending, you are united as a parenting team and committed to their well-being.
4. Make sure the message is age-appropriate
For young children, you can keep the explanation and language simple. Teenagers may require more details.
5. Provide reassurance
Children are egocentric and will likely blame themselves for the divorce. Let them know the divorce is an adult decision and they did nothing to cause it. Assure them that nothing will change your love for them.
Even with preparation, your children will have many questions and go through various emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel angry, sad or confused. Answer their questions honestly without blaming you or the other parent.
This will probably be one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have. The most important thing is for your children to know that both parents love them and will always be a part of their lives.
